We don’t mean to be dramatic or anything but it’s been about 32 weeks since we last had money in our accounts and the month still isn’t over. We’ve had it. Officially.
We think we speak for all of us when we say that this adulting thing is really, really hard. If you’re like us and end up in the same position each month, you’ll understand the struggle.
1. You start trying to sell everything you own
Who really even needs an oven? Can you sell a kidney on eBay?
2. Only ordering tap water at your mate’s birthday meal
How dare they be born at the end of the month. So selfish.
3. Frantically typing “medical trials Liverpool” into Google
On second thoughts, you might need that kidney back.
4. You’ve become at least 50% Koka Noodle
Our Lord and Saviour.
5. You’ll take anything Pound Bakery is offering
They’re all out of sausage rolls and you’re not sure if an iced bun will keep you going ‘til tomorrow but you’ll damn well try.
6. Contactless payments are sacred currency
Those 3 days before payday are specially reserved for denial and acting like all those transactions aren’t gonna hit you like a ton of bricks.
7. Your weekend plans have changed considerably
They currently consist of having deep chats with the cat, pretending Ribena is wine and creepily watching other people live their best lives on Instagram.
8. You start getting the 82 to work instead of an Alpha
At this point, you’re also considering walking in. You could do with a pleasant 7-mile stroll at 5 in the morning. Oh, it’s raining? Well, you can’t afford hot water right now anyway. Count your blessings.
9. You’re considering selling your life story to Take a Break
Get those creative juices flowing and convince them your fella cheated on you with your Henry Hoover. Worth a shot.
10. The prospect of spending the week at your Ma’s seems more appealing than ever
Free breakfasts, lunches and hot dinners. There’s even toilet roll! Love you mum. See you this time next month.
12. You’ve found a new passion for cooking. Sort of.
Go on Gordon, hit ‘em with the delicious spaghetti hoop and instant-mash-you-found-at-the-back-of-the-cupboard combo. The dregs of those frozen peas would pair beautifully with that single can of tuna, wouldn’t they?
Bean and rice cake surprise? *chef’s kiss*
13. Convincing yourself you’ve been a victim of fraud
Is it possible to rob yourself?
14. …only to remember buying everyone a round in Alma de Cuba
Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times – blame it on the petal drop.
15. You’ve forgotten – again – what direct debits are
You had some money. Now you don’t. What kind of sorcery is this?
16. Checking all your coat pockets for loose change
Now comes the challenge of paying for things with coppers and 5p’s at the self-checkout. Nobody should wait 5 minutes for you to pay for a bag of Wotsits.
17. Supergluing your acrylics back on until you can afford infills
Little fingernail hanging on by a thread? Have no fear! Just try not to stick your hands together. We love a DIY queen!
18. Telling yourself it’s going to be different next month
You’ve created a colour coded spreadsheet and everything. That budget won’t know what’s hit it.
C’mon, healthy spending habits! C’mon savings account! Signature Living party boat, we’re coming for ya.
19. Then treating yo’self to a new wardrobe from Zara the next day
Wait. Rent is still a thing?
…you did it!
By some means – God knows how – we seem to have made it to the end of the month. Omg. We’re still alive!